Naked In Eden Blog - Robin Easton

29June2009

What’s the Latest Score?

Posted by Robin Easton under: Hobnobbin' with Robin.

Today I only raise questions to start a discussion:

Do you get upset if someone doesn’t call you as often as you call them? If so why? Do you feel hurt or upset if someone doesn’t return your email or phone call in, what you deem, the appropriate amount of time, or at all? What is your time frame based on? Do you even know? Do you feel that they owe you this? If so why?

Do you keep track of who last did the dishes, who last put the toothpaste cap back on, who last put the toilet paper on the holder, who last filled the gas tank, who last paid for the meal, who last did the laundry, who last made dinner, who last bought the groceries, who last picked up the kids? Do you keep track of how often your partner tells you they love you? Do you even know how often enough is or why you need it that often? Do you keep track of whether your family, friends, kids or spouse send birthday cards, Christmas presents or how often they call or write? Do you know why you do this? W Take a break; think things over. hen they finally contact you do you make them feel guilty for not doing these things? If so, do you know why? Do you think this will make them want to call or write more often? Do you know what you want from them and why you want it? Do you know what they need? Do you feel your needs are more real, more important than theirs?

Do you keep score in your relationships? If so, have you ever stopped and asked yourself why? Why am I keeping score? What am I concerned about? What am I afraid will or won’t happen? How will keeping score serve me? Is it a loving act? Will score keeping help me get what I want? Do I clearly know what I want? Do I build resentment when I feel that the score isn’t in my favor? Does resentment hurt me? Do I feel justified in my score keeping, more righteous when I keep score; I am good and ‘other’ is bad?

Will keeping score bring ‘other’ closer to me? Could I instead honestly express my fears and desires? Could I do it in such a way that I entice ‘other’ to meet my needs as opposed to pressuring them with shame, ridicule or quilt? Is it possible that ‘other’ is doing things for me that I don’t even notice or really appreciate? Is it possible ‘other’ has completely different values, needs and ways of looking at things, which may be as valid as my own? Am I able to distinguish between a real need and the times my stress is over spilling? How much of what I try to control really matters? Is there an alternative to score keeping? Where are you headed? Do you know?