30 September 2008
Falling in Love
Posted by Robin Easton under: Hobnobbin' with Robin .
When I was in my teens and twenties I believed that “being in love” meant finding the right man and falling in love with him. I thought that once I’d done that I’d be able to sit back, be whisked off my feet and the man would magically and permanently transform my life into the dream I’d always envisioned. But wait… I had no clear vision, only an unconscious notion that meeting this man would instantly make my life beautiful and perfect everyday and forever. I wouldn’t have to do a thing and there would be no real-life problems that I’d have to deal with. I now call this the “Fairytale Syndrome”. (Robin chuckles.)
Now, much older, I find it interesting as I talk with other women and realize how many of them had the same experience. Some of them in their 30s, 40s and 50s admit that they’re still living with the Fairytale Syndrome and it’s destroying their relationships. In my culture (USA) women are fed the fairytale from the time they’re born, in the form of books, TV shows, movies, advertising and so forth.
This is not to say that we can’t fall beautifully in love and stay in love. I’m a powerfully romantic woman who still loves fairy tales and believes in love and “forever”. Blessedly in my lifetime I’ve fallen head over heels in love and known excruciatingly sweet passion that made me weep with joy. I’ve known wonderfully life-altering changes just from falling in love with a man. I’ve also known an instant unspoken connection that linked me to a man for life. Although we eventually went our separate ways, never to see each other again, the soul bond will never be broken.
However, when I was younger I lived in the fairytale and was not proactive in my life and love affairs. It usually wrought disaster. At the time I didn’t even know I was living with the Fairytale Syndrome. Eventually I unveiled the myth and took a highly active part in the creation of my life, love and relationships.
We often move into relationship with expectations piled so high we can’t see the other person. We’re so busy “demanding”, that we don’t take time to truly know and befriend them. We forget to simply love them, starting right where they’re at, without trying to change, coerce or mold them into another “self”.
Our partner isn’t just our lover, someone to fulfill our fairytale; they are a human being born onto this planet in their own right. They are their own miracle. We don’t own them. They’re free, a unique and whole expression of Life. If we can set down our weighty pile of expectations then we have a chance to live more than the fairytale. We have the opportunity to really see another human being as someone who is part of us and yet completely separate. We can realize that in our differences we’re very much the same.
May you keep your dreams, boundaries and goals, but set down your pile of expectations and move forward to meet your lover with a curious mind and open heart, as if you were meeting them for the first time…everyday.
Love,
Robin
This Site: © Robin Easton
Website: www.nakedineden.com
Blog: http://nakedineden.com/nakedinedenblog/
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PS NEXT WEEK: We’ll explore “Being in Love” and “Forever”
47 Comments so far...
Don Says:
30 September 2008 at 10:02 pm.
OK.
I get it.
But Robin…It can never be. I’m married.
There there ma petit chou chou! Dry your eyes. We’ll always have Paris. (Or was that Mesa Verde? It’s all so confusing sometimes.)
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Lilly Says:
30 September 2008 at 10:16 pm.
Wow, I loved this one Robin. That was amazing and its taken me until my 40s to get ‘it’. Sometimes I need very tough lessons to get anything to sink in obviously. I wonder whether its because women of our age group didn’t speak about the real nitty gritty relationship issues with our mothers when we were in our teens and 20s? I know I didn’t. I sort of came from that cookie cutter family (and not that I am complaining) but I know it couldn’t have been perfect. I just know my relationship with my daughter is very, very different. We are more up front and honest about all sorts of things (too much so maybe).
I so love your final paragraph –
‘May you keep your dreams, boundaries and goals, but set down your pile of expectations and move forward to meet your lover with a curious mind and open heart, as if you were meeting them for the first time…everyday.’
I think its so true that you need to love yourself fully to get to this point and be very firm about your boundaries. I am hopeful I will one day get to this point before I am 100. I will be signing up for your next chapter – I need a lot of help in this area given my lack of success in the past, he he. I have hope although the promise of fairy tales disappeared some time ago.
Lilly
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K. Fields Says:
30 September 2008 at 11:21 pm.
@Don… c’est la vie’ another heart torn asunder by this strange thing called love. 
Robin you are so right about how we women in America are feed the “fairytale syndrome” from birth on up… expectations are dashed when real life happens. And unprepared “princes and princesses” are left hurt, confused and not understanding how to react.. Because in the perfect fairytale world there is no such thing as break-ups, sickness, anger, bills, unruly children or sometimes even death! So when any of that “nightmare” stuff happens a loss of innocence happens too. I work with a lot of young women, teens to 30’s, and I am blunt about the facts of life with them. They get upset at first until something comes up, and because of what I said they knew what to do and how to deal with it, and have come back to thank me.. It can be hard sometimes to ruin some one’s fantasies, but I want to see these awesome women have a wonderful life in the real world!
Great Post! Sorry about the book reply!
~K
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Robert Says:
30 September 2008 at 11:32 pm.
Fairy tales, tell me about it, ha ha… I used to be completely lost in two fairy tales and I am still rather pissed off at the society that keeps selling these fairy tales to young people, I guess just in order for them to breed and keep the humanity going.
The first one was about THE WOMAN, the romantic love: now, in my mind and dreams she was of course the most beautiful etc, but looking back I can see that the most damaging part of this fairy tale was my belief we would come together and be HAPPY EVER AFTER, no problems, no conflicts and especially no need for me to change a bit. The idea that the perfect relationship is the one that leaves my personality unchanged proved to be the most dangerous one. If she touches my little ego, she is not the right one. Well… It was a long way. Now I feel I actually am with the perfect one for me, the most most most…, AND I keep changing every day, we keep changing, evolving…
The other fairy tale was about having kids. I believed it is really so easy, you just have them and everybody is happy, everybody smiles, like in good old Hollywood movies. Oh boy, oh boy, was THIS a long way, ha ha…
So sometimes I am tempted to say to my teenagers: “Be smart, do not have kids ever, do not have relationships, stay single, stick to your computer and TV and be happy ever after…”
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Chrissy Says:
1 October 2008 at 1:52 am.
What a wonderful post!
” We’re so busy “demanding”, that we don’t take time to truly know and befriend them. We forget to simply love them, starting right where they’re at, without trying to change, coerce or mold them into another “self” ”
This was the bit that I smiled at….How many times do you hear people who are so happy, they love someone and then spend an inordinate amount of time trying to change them into something different……!
A good friend of mine once said:
“if you truly love someone, you should give them wings and let them fly”.
I think of it when I hear people curtailing their hopes, dreams, hobbies or even their lives because of their partners. Most people who are given the space to fly will return, people who are constrained inevitably escape never to return!
Hope you are well Robin – hugs – ChrissyXX
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Bird Says:
1 October 2008 at 2:14 am.
The way love is sold to us is so damn limiting. You are right that it isn’t a fairytale. As ever you talk sense, lady!
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paul of the clue-by-four Says:
1 October 2008 at 6:01 am.
The phrase “expectations piled so high we can’t see the other person” was priceless. Thank you for that!
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Pentad Says:
1 October 2008 at 6:55 am.
I’m guilty of this as well. You are so correct. Expectations are the main culprit in ruining so many potentially fantastic relationships. It is sometimes difficult to remember that a partner is just as much a human of flesh and blood as we ourselves are.
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soulMerlin Says:
1 October 2008 at 7:46 am.
Nice one Robin. I guess that’s one reason I’m single now. The very last scene of “The Graduate” sums it all up for me….the very last scene in the bus
love
henry
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Shirley Says:
1 October 2008 at 8:49 am.
All of us girls pray for the fantasy I think. Reality isn’t the same. I love my husband a great deal but he is no prince. I don’t expect him to be. I do think he makes me a little bit of a fairy tale to the people he works with though. It’s a funny thing.
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Benny Greenberg Says:
1 October 2008 at 10:11 am.
Someone once said that a “great veil is lifted from in front of our eyes when we pass our thirtieth year” – Oh wait that was me? Issue is after that point we are usually pretty well set for the remainder of our lives. Living for the fairy tale is not a bad ting – living A fairy tale is.
You always get what you put into something – nothing in gets nothing out give it your all – and live the fairy tale…
Damn I should talk to my self more often…
Ben
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Dr. Nicole Sundene Says:
1 October 2008 at 10:17 am.
This is so beautifully written! I think one of the main problems with this fantasy is that we are waiting for the prince to save us…when really we all just need to save ourselves. If only life were as easy as Disney makes it out to be.
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David Says:
1 October 2008 at 11:40 am.
He who kisses the joy as it flies lives in eternity’s sunrise.
— William Blake
I first heard this about thirty five years ago and spent a good number of years wrestling with it. And I knew all the time that if I ever really accepted it and lived it every moment of the day I would never need anything ever again.
The part that transfixes me is the ending . The last two words. Eternity’s sunrise. It may be that sun is eternally rising in paradise. Imagine what that is like.
Don’t ever give up your fantastic fantasies. Just place them where they belong and give up the rest. On this clunky mudball of a planet.
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Alexander M Zoltai Says:
1 October 2008 at 11:53 am.
Some folk will write off my comment as swiftly as they swat a fly:
Relationships between humans are fully dependent on those human’s relationship with their Creator.
Some say true love is an expression of God’s love for us.
Some tragically leave God out of their life equation.
Took me a handful of decades to finally realize how completely dependent we are on God; the rugged individualist, to use an extreme example, is incapable of any personal action without the first Blessing of God–physical existence…
~ Alex from Our Evolution
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Mike Foster Says:
1 October 2008 at 12:32 pm.
Hi Robin! Wonderful post, enjoyed it a lot.
All too often perceptions and expectations get in the way of reality, which, as you so eloquently stated, can get in the way of relationships…and life.
peace,
mike
livelife365
Streeeeeetch Your Life
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Larry McDowell (GuitarMusings) Says:
1 October 2008 at 4:32 pm.
I love it. Your post reminds me of the movie “Sleepless in Seattle” where Meg Ryan’s character is telling Rosie O’Donald’s character about all her expectations and Rosie says, “You don’t want to be in love, you want to be in love in a movie.” That is too true and learned that lesson myself.
I’m beginning to discover that as I begin to lose the weighty expectations, I find something in my partner that was beyond any of my wildest dreams!
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Evita Says:
1 October 2008 at 6:27 pm.
Oh Robin you wrote about my most favorite topic – love!!! Indeed it is something else – it is so powerful, so overwhelming and so sought after by all.
I share your story completely, as during my teens and early 20’s I viewed love very much like that too. I thought I was realistic, but I kept looking for someone to “save me” and once I fell in love with them and them with me, like you I thought all would be perfect and it wasn’t. My only luck was that I had a great awakening in my early 20’s and this brought a huge change and shift in me that made me see myself and love and of course life in a whole new way and then a few years later, after deep soul searching I met my husband.
From the day we met to this day we have lived in bliss and for one reason only, we have not made a marriage but a unity. We do not look to the other to satisfy anything. We do not look to the other and expect anything – we are indeed free individuals that have decided to form a true unity and so with strong words I say it is not only possible to live out the love of your life but also natural and normal – we just have to shift our perception a bit about the essence of us and life in general.
Thank you for sharing your story.
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earthmother Says:
1 October 2008 at 7:37 pm.
…move forward to meet your lover with a curious mind and open heart, as if you were meeting them for the first time…everyday.
I was so blessed to witness this first hand growing up. My parents did just that for 63 years. That curious mind and open heart kept the playfulness and passion alive in their marriage until my Dad took his last breath.
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Julie Says:
1 October 2008 at 8:54 pm.
My dear Robin, my husband and I were separated three years and teetering on the brink of divorce. Thank goodness I realized what you said: to look at him with fresh eyes—all the time. It’s been like watching magic unfold! You’re so right. It works.
I very much agree with you, too, when you said: “If we can set down our weighty pile of expectations then we have a chance to live more than the fairytale.” Fairytales do exist! They truly do, and I am so glad to have been exposed to them as a little girl. They aren’t held up as impossible standards. They are meant to be beacons of hope and promise! They just omitted the “hard work” part.
With focus and attention and diligence, my own fairytale has, indeed, come true. If mine can, everyone else’s can, too. It’s just a matter, as you have stated here, “…to simply love them, starting right where they’re at, without trying to change, coerce or mold them into another ’self’.”
Thank you for telling everyone they, too, can have the falling-in-love feeling all the time! It’s a matter of perspective.
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eddie Says:
1 October 2008 at 10:43 pm.
I think at the core of one’s ‘attachment’ to another is ‘abandonment’…much behavior that masquerades as ‘love’ is really a desire to attain an emotional and spiritual redemption through burying oneself in the the strongest narcotic known to humankind. ROMANCE! Often times when the drug wears off relationships deconstruct. Hence ‘love is blind’. I know as I’ve succumbed many a time…the trick is to stay ‘mindful’ in the early stages of a relationship. Trying to retain a modicum of ‘objectivity’ in the romance period is paramount to the success of the relationship. Being respectful of the ‘other’…minding your own sense of ’self’ is very important. The blind rush into romance is the seed for failure. To this day I struggle with this. Realizing it intellectually and enacting it in reality are two different things. Emotions are irrational …that’s why their called emotions!
Secondly, sustaining a relationship over the long haul is a debatable point. Each one is unique and all have their own specific purpose. Some are short and intense, cathartic. Some are Karmic. Some possibly frivolous or just of the moment. From an anthropological point of view relationships have a cultural and innate timetable that varies from culture to culture. What washes in one culture is taboo in a another.
In the end what is most important is ‘clear authentic communication’…freedom to say and be yourself within the relationship, trust that you’ll be supported and listened too and that you can return the same, a sense of play and humor and a genuine desire to give your partner the very best of yourself when you are able. And of course always lead with your heart!
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Julie Says:
2 October 2008 at 7:53 am.
Beautiful words Robin, thank you. My daughter and I recently went on a long drive and I found myself telling her the story of Cinderalla. As I was talking, I kept thinking, “what am I teaching her?” I ended up changing the story a bit to make it more modern and playing down the whole need to meet the happy prince to bring you out of misery!
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Tammy Warren Says:
2 October 2008 at 8:24 am.
Hello my Dear Robin! I can say that because that is where you are in my heart. You have just expressed so much of “life”. So many of us base our entire self on the other partner in which we share it with. So many try to make it something more or something less that it really is.
You will always be disappointed if your expectations are unrealistic. It’s all in how you view it. In personal relationships, one person will find another to be a wonderful mate. Loving, handsome, compassionate, and kind-while another would be disappointed in the same person, viewing him as unattractive and selfish.
So true, we can live more than a fairytale. I would love to have that and I am sure many do. You know one is happy with a hug, while the other wants roses and candlelight dinners. One looks at her mate’s beauty from within while the other obsesses on her mate’s love handles and double chin. I truly believe that in the end, you see what you want to see and feel what you want to feel. Hard but true…to find a lasting happiness is to see the invisible, that which can’t be seen by the naked eye…that which lives in your very soul. To truly be in love…you have to see the other on the inside. During trying times, seek that which is unseen-blessings are sometimes in disguise. In the meantime….I guess we can just keep believing.
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miriam Says:
2 October 2008 at 10:43 am.
Robin, I am a fairytale victim. I can look back now and see how unrealistic it all was. When the time was right, I fell for a “common man”, after I let go of my expectations I was able to realize that this “common man” was my prince, my love. We have been happy and fullfilled for over 13 years. The others, they were stones along my path, some large, some small, some I tripped over and some I had to claw my way over to reach the best place of all…..where I’m at …right now.
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Sandra Says:
2 October 2008 at 3:38 pm.
Robin,
You are so right with this post. Now don’t get me wrong, growing up I loved fairytales, Harlequin romances, and every sappy movie out there. Yet, as I have grown older, I have found women who put their lives on hold waiting for Mr. Right to whisk them away. I thank you for reminding us that our love and our joy begin within. Your quote at the end that may we meet our lover with a curious mind and open heart, is well said. Peace and Love
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Ophelia Rising Says:
2 October 2008 at 5:54 pm.
Robin, this is truly beautiful, and so, so true. I needed to hear this because I think I sometimes put too many expectations on my relationship with my husband, and I’m afraid that this creates negativity and isolation. The two of us are very different, but we are also the same in important ways, and I must always remember this. It’s difficult, sometimes, to see the other’s perspective, but it is so essential that we (I) break through and look into each other’s heart, seeing what is there rather than what is not. Every one of us has qualities we need to address and modify. We are not perfect. I am not perfect, clearly.
I watched him, the other night, up to his shoulders in water, trying to drain out a very large hole that had filled up and now was flooding into our house. He worked and worked trying to grasp a pump that had been buried in the mud, which had fallen into the hole. As I watched him, I realized how wonderful he is, and how hard he words for our children, and for me. He is a good man, with a kind heart. I ought to tell him so more often.
Thank you for reminding me, my friend. xoxoxo
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Robin Easton Says:
2 October 2008 at 6:25 pm.
Hello my friends,
I have been reading these comments one by one and am simply blown away by the wisdom here. And more importantly, the honesty, the way you have shared your lives and feelings touched me deeply. It is a great honor. I am very impressed with the depth of understanding and insight you have into love and falling in love.
It pleased me to not only hear from the women, but to hear the thoughts of you guys whom I respect.
Once again, your responses made me see how much goodness there is in the world, how many wise people. There is much angry, aggressive and depressing news being pumped at us all the time. So to see these comments here is a testament to not only the amazing people in the world but to how biased the news is in the USA. I truly believe the world is full of good people, who feel and think deeply. Blogging allows more people to express positive views/news that would otherwise go unheard. I probably said this already but I want to say it again, “The biggest thing I’ve got out of blogging is realizing that the world is FULL of astounding people.” And I am truly blessed to have this many good people visit me. You have given me more than you realize.
I want you to know that I see your goodness and am touched by it.
From my heart,
Robin
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Rob Says:
2 October 2008 at 7:14 pm.
Sometimes folks let media create their reality. Repeated stories of fairytales can silently seep into one’s psyche. Later, when life doesn’t match the fairytale, many fall hard. Robin hits the nail on the head with this one. Maybe the divorce rate in the USA is so high because too many expect fairytales and when they don’t get it, they keep looking. That’s not love. Thanks Robin.
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Robb Says:
2 October 2008 at 11:31 pm.
Kia ora Robin,
I am incapable of responding to this right in the moment. I have tried several times. I just wanted you to know I was here and have read this many times. I have much to write on this, but right now my head is swimming and I feel drained. This has been just what I need to reflect upon. Kia ora, kia kaha.
Aroha,
Robb
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brainteaser Says:
3 October 2008 at 1:46 am.
Indeed, Robin! So true. I am so glad you gave a name to this syndrome! I know just how this syndrome can destroy relationships. Some people have said in different ways how they are disappointed with their partners for failing to “sweep them off their feet.”
Unrealistic expectations and demands. Yes, they are the culprits. Fairy tale expectations.
We often forget that we also have a part in the relationship… to keep it going… to make it stronger.
Love and relationship is hard work, not a mystic dream.
Thank you again, sis! You have very profound thoughts. Love yeah. Hugs from the Philippines!
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JJLoch Says:
3 October 2008 at 7:23 am.
Robin, there is a deeper love that happens past this point if two mates decide to grow together. The passion is even more heated, more fulfilling and more precious when it happens after many, many years together. It’s a special bond makes two married souls one even though they have their own personalities, roads in life, and aspirations. It basically is taking turns being a cheerleader and then falling into bed with a delicious fervor, knowing life is delicious and you want to taste all of it. 
Hugs, JJ
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earthmother Says:
3 October 2008 at 9:21 am.
So far, I’ve made two vows that have changed my life. One was related to my Buddhist practice – to become a bodhisattva. The other was to become a wife… Both are vows to love (all beings in one case and a single being in the other) and it may seem that the bodhisattva vow is the really hard one. But after ten years, I can tell you that the real test of bigheartedness started with the latter proposition.
Catching up on some reading this morning. Read the above in the Shambhala Sun (July 2008). Fabulous article that made me think of you and this recent post on Falling In Love. Check out the article if you have an opportunity: “My Vows” by Susan Piver, author of the NY Times bestseller The Hard Questions. I think you’ll enjoy it.
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Brandi Magill Says:
3 October 2008 at 3:09 pm.
Oh do I wish I knew then what I know now. I’ve been married for 7 years now and am just now beginning to understand the give and take and more importantly how to grow without losing yourself. It is very difficult when we are fed this fairytale for so long, I can only hope to teach my daughter through my mistakes so she too will not make them.
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timethief Says:
5 October 2008 at 7:47 pm.
Dear Robin,
I have learned that when I read a blog post and a certain part resonates it’s frequently something that I have struggled with myself. In this case what resonates isn’t like that it’s an affirmation that becoming friends and sharing mutual affection is an important foundation for a lifelong relationship. Without it IMO the relationship will fail. So here’s that part that resonated most of all:
We often move into relationship with expectations piled so high we can’t see the other person. We’re so busy “demanding”, that we don’t take time to truly know and befriend them. We forget to simply love them, starting right where they’re at, without trying to change, coerce or mold them into another “self”.
Be well and be happy dear friend. It’s so great that I’m able to spend a little more time reading blogs each day that it’s tempting to overdo it. (And with that said she blew a kiss and was gone.)
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plastic.mancunian Says:
6 October 2008 at 5:15 am.
Robin, great post and you’ve inspired me to post about love from a man’s perspective – which I will do soon, injecting a little humour as I am always keen to do
I love to post about embarrassing moments in my life simply because I usually learn from such traumatic events – and love is no exception, particularly since my attempts to slot into the typical “man” role have led to some completely cringeworthy moments. Part of my problem is that I simply struggle to see things from the female perspective. In fact I can barely understand the mechanism from a male perspective either.
Thankfully my wooing days are over – otherwise I would really struggle.
Take Care
PM
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M Says:
6 October 2008 at 8:05 am.
Wow! Thank you for sharing part of your journey. “May you keep your dreams, boundaries and goals, but set down your pile of expectations and move forward to meet your lover with a curious mind and open heart, as if you were meeting them for the first time…everyday.” So powerful are these words.
Thank you again!
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Liara Covert Says:
6 October 2008 at 5:17 pm.
Love is sometimes described as a priceless feeling that defies explanation. Love requries no justification or words. As you evolve to step back from all the images and associations that have been conditioned and associated with what love is supposed to be or feel like, you realize that you know what love is because you are it. You are timeless, immeasurable, effervescent, ever-flowing, coalescing and transforming into what matters.
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MizFit Says:
7 October 2008 at 5:22 am.
Thirty nine and a half here checking in.
Took me this long but NOW I GET IT.
Really enjoyed this post. Thank you.
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Lance Says:
7 October 2008 at 5:33 am.
For me, love is a journey. A journey into understanding both myself and my wife. And it’s a journey that will always continue. I’m learning each day what love really means. Sometimes I learn because something really good happens, and other times I learn because one of us messes up. Robin, thank you for writing this. And, your last paragraph is beautiful …as if you were meeting them for the first time…everyday.
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Robin Easton Says:
7 October 2008 at 2:18 pm.
Oh my gosh.
You are amazing people.
The honesty, wisdom and love expressed here is off the charts. I am overwhelmed by so many beautiful comments. One right after another. Each one that came in I felt better and better about the people in the world. It confirmed for me what I’ve always believed. The world is FULL of good people.
It also made me realize how off center and untrue the “news” is. I don’t own or watch a TV or listen to radio or read newspapers, but I can’t help but see the junk online every time I turn on my computer or check email. We are bombarded with junk and negativity. People are talking about the news everywhere I go. I’m not saying that there isn’t a lot of horror in our world. There is, but where is all the positive news? There are as many positive things happening in the world, if not more. Why aren’t they published? Today I realized that through blogging they ARE published and person by person you spread good news: caring, insight, motivation and love.
These comments reflect people with big hearts, thoughtful ways and wisdom.
Although there is a lot garbage on the internet. There is also a LOT of amazing people out there. If you doubt this read some of these comments. You are a selection of humanity that has landed on my doorstep (so to speak) and you are ASTOUNDING. So this means that through blogging we are able to make a difference in the world not only by what we write on our own blogs but by what we write on other people’s blogs. So the “forces of goodness” have much more say and power than we might realize. No one could ever convince me that the world isn’t full of loving, caring, wise people. Because I see them every week on my blog and in the world.
So I want you all to know that I see YOU. I see you strength of character, your honestly, your willingness to be vulnerable and your courage to be strong….and I am impressed. Thank you for the gift you give me. It’s a great honor. Robin
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Bird Says:
8 October 2008 at 4:17 am.
Robin, I’m just letting you know that I’ve written a little teaser post about you on my blog. I didn’t put in too many details so that people who are intrigued can come and “see” you for themselves.
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Orna Ross Says:
8 October 2008 at 4:38 am.
What a fabulous post Robin. I have a quick “check” that I do on my love feelings — I find this works for partners, soul mates, children, parents, friends — anyone. I ask myself: in what direction is this feeling flowing? If the flow is outwards, towards the other person, it’s real love. If the direction of the flow is towards me, it’s not love. It’s my own needs, wants, wishes… whatever…. disguising themselves as a love-issue. (A bit of self-love usually sorts it out!).
Thank you for your blog (and your whole attitude/approach to life). I’m in the middle of an illness at the moment but your work is encouraging me to think about ways I can still take a walk on the wild side!
With love… (yes, the flow is right!!)
Orna
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Kit Says:
8 October 2008 at 3:30 pm.
New here- nice post.
Once upon a time my husband was describing to a friend all the wonderful attributes of the woman he wished he could have a relationship with.
“She sounds like an amazing person”, his friend said. “Those are high expectations. I guess you’ll have to work to be all those things, too.”
It made my husband mad, at first- but it showed him that he needed to focus on making himself a better person rather than spending all his time trying to make other people meet his desires. By making himself a better person, he was more equipped to find and have the sort of relationship he wished for.
(And even “dream” relationships take work!)
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Black Hockey Jesus Says:
10 October 2008 at 5:00 am.
Hi. Thanks for your kind words on my blog and Stumble. They mean a lot.
[Reply]
Stacey Huston Says:
16 October 2008 at 7:02 am.
Hello dear Robin. I have been lucky enough to “LIVE” this fairy tale syndrome you speak of for about 14 years.. Wait! let me explain. I have actually been married to the same man for 17yrs but will happily admitt that 13 of them were wonder and bliss… we will just forget about the other 3…LOL just making a joke. I am a very blessed woman and have been married for almost 18 years now, and the hard times are part of it.. They make the good times, that much sweeter… I went through the same thing, a few years ago I was talking to my mom about marriage, and told her that when Mike and I got married I had this “idea” that over the years things just got easier and easier and after you had been married for a long time you didn’t really have any more dissagreements/fights, because you just “figured it out” . My wonderful mother whom had been married for 40+ years just looked and me and said, ” And where did yoiu get THAT hair brained Idea?” LOL..
Sharing your life with someone that loves you for who you are, and encourages you in all your dreams is something that I have been fortunate enough to know.. My husband IS my best friend and I am very thankful for all that we have. Many people comment about our relationship, and the passion that we have for eachother and life…. It is something that takes work…the same work that is involved in keeping yourself “living”. I believe you get out of every relationship exactly what you put into in, be it with your mate, children, parents, friends, people that you have met via blogs (grin) or even the relationship we all have with ourselves and nature… Have a beautiful week Robin~
[Reply]
Lynda Lehmann Says:
20 November 2008 at 10:07 am.
An inspiring and insightful post, Robin, from one who has been with her spouse for 34 years! Even after decades of being together, we still have to remind ourselves that we each must fill our own cup, and not rely on the other to create our happiness!
Robin Easton Writes:
Wow, 34 years… Yes, you would learned much! I loved what you wrote here about reminding ourselves that we each must fill our own cup and create our happiness. I think once we can see and accept that reality we have the potential to live really rewarding lives. Thank you, Lynda.
[Reply]
Let Us Ruminate/ Tis Wednesday | Photo LinkLove Says:
12 February 2010 at 1:48 pm.
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