Freedom in Response-Ability
Posted by Robin Easton
A long time ago I recognized that Life wasn’t about each day being perfect and filled with all my dreams and everything I thought I wanted. Yes, that’s ideal and most of us can usually take more steps toward our dreams than we think possible. However, the older I get I realize I’m here to learn and to become more of what I already am, Life and Love.
I believe all good people have responsibilities. Since I know nothing of your responsibilities, let’s say a responsibility of mine is to take care of someone I love (long term care), which I’ve done in the past. For arguments sake let’s pretend it’s not easy and I feel bummed because I’m not getting to do what I want, or live my dreams. This is what I’ve learned about my “Response-Abilities”:
- If I’m going to take care of someone I don’t have to throw away my dreams. They can still be with me, maybe moving at a slower pace or possibly redefined or recreated. More importantly, if I keep an open mind I will always find ways to move toward my dreams while acting responsibly. Although I might not yet realize it; caring for someone might be part of my dreams. : )
- If I choose to care for this person, then I have to take full responsibility for my choice and recognize that I’m making a choice. I’m not a victim.
- I look honestly at all my options. There are often several options, sometimes none. To simplify this example let’s say, this person might not make it if I don’t care for them, so I do it. Another option is that I could walk away. Then I ask myself: Are you really going to walk away? Do you really want to do that? Yes, some days I want to walk away. But are you really going to do that? No. Okay, if that’s the case then be fully present right here, right now. Remember, you’re choosing to care for this person. You’re choosing to act in a way you deem responsible.
- Next I tell myself this: “Robin, you can choose how you respond to this situation by using your “Response-Ability”. If you are going to take care of another human being then make it a conscious choice and be the best caretaker you can be. Do it with adventure, creativity and love. Keep an open heart and mind. If you’re fully present in your choice you’ll learn new things. You’ll find Life hidden in this responsibility.”
- If I choose to care for another person and I do it grudgingly because I feel I’m not getting to do what I want, or if I take on any responsibility with a victim’s mindset then I’ll miss the treasures the experience has to offer. I’ll be too wrapped up feeling sorry for myself to see the world of possibilities that surrounds me. I also won’t make a good care taker. I must take full responsibility for my responsibilities.
- If I’m going to do something, even dig ditches, I’m going to do it with all my heart and soul. I’m going to go into the situation looking for Life.
May you have creative and wholehearted “Response-Abilities”.
Love, Robin
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This Site: © Robin Easton
Website: http://www.nakedineden.com
Blog: http://nakedineden.com/nakedinedenblog/
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29 Comments so far...
Alexander M Zoltai Says:
3 September 2008 at 11:45 pm.
Your posts are always inspiring yet this one hit me right in the middle of my re-dedication to life-times goals.
I’ve been re-reading a book I read many times back in the 80s: Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.
Somehow, I feel his 13 steps to attaining your heart’s desire are appropriate here:
DESIRE: the starting point of all achievement
FAITH: visualization of, and belief in attainment of desire
AUTO-SUGGESTION: the medium for influencing the subconscious
mind
SPECIALIZED KNOWLEDGE: personal experiences or observations
IMAGINATION: the workshop of the mind
ORGANIZED PLANNING: the crystallization of desire into action
DECISION: the mastery of procrastination
PERSISTENCE: the sustained effort necessary to induce faith
POWER OF THE MASTER MIND: the driving force
THE MYSTERY OF SEX: transmutation
THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND: the connecting link
THE BRAIN: a broadcasting and receiving station for thought
THE SIXTH SENSE: the door to the temple of wisdom
~ Alex from Our Evolution
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Lilly Says:
4 September 2008 at 12:20 am.
Oh you beautiful, beautiful soul. How come whenever I read your writing it screams at me to sit up and take notice and seems to be just what I need at that given time.
‘I have to take full responsibility for my choice and recognize that I’m making a choice. I’m not a victim.’ That says it all. Every decision we make we are choosing to do something and it is not forced on us even though conscience sometimes plays heavy tricks on us.
I am going to keep this in mind every time I get a victim mentality or feeling I am trapped with decisions I have made. I, instead, will ‘go into the situation looking for Life.’ Perhaps its meant to be this way.
How did you get to be so wise?
By the way, I love that bottom photo – you have a killer smile!!! You are a poster child for your beliefs because you scream happiness from your photos.
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phoenix Says:
4 September 2008 at 4:55 am.
Wow, this is such an excellent post. Thank you.
This isn’t just true for taking care of someone, but in any aspect of one’s life. Any place where you feel the urge to say “WHY?”
This really made me think, and thank you, while I was reading I already got a new outlook on my daily “Response-Abilities” !! 
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King Al Says:
4 September 2008 at 9:12 am.
I think this is the most inspiring post I have ever seen. I am definitely going to bookmark and print it out.
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Shirley Says:
4 September 2008 at 10:44 am.
I don’t ever say why. Even though I’m not where I expected to be I am perfectly happy. I am so with you on this.
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Evita Says:
4 September 2008 at 2:26 pm.
Amazing, amazing post Robin! Your wisdom is priceless! But I have to tell you my favorite part was when you say “You made a choice – you are not a victim”
The truth is that indeed none of us are – we only feel like victims when we do not take responsibility for our own actions – then life throws at us whatever and we say “why me?”
So instead why not choose consciously as that puts you back in control of your life and once you are in control you have the power to make it into whatever you want it to be!
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Marc Says:
4 September 2008 at 3:36 pm.
Hi Robin!
As usual, you bring up some excellent points Sometimes it’s just a matter of redefining your goals and dreams by boiling them down to the bare essentials
I was raised according to a fairly traditional model of what it meant to be a man, ie: the “man of the house” took care of his family be having a good job, or owning his own business. In other words, he took care of them by being a good provider. When Dawne was first diagnosed with her condition, I was doing just that, running my own business, spending anywhere from 12 to 16 hours a day working in order to take care of my family.
The changing circumstances forced me to re-evaluate what it means to take care of my family. To take care of someone is to provide them with what they need, not what you *think* they need. For me, that meant that I closed the doors of my business and walked away to become a stay at home dad, providing my family with the one thing they needed more than anything else: my personal care.
For money, I took a job as caretaker of the residential complex we lived in. did I abandon my dreams? No, I retooled them to include the stipulation that any business I started had to be run from home, at home, so that I could be available to my family day and night.
The end of the story is this: In a situation where many people might feel like they are in an either/or dilemma, by taking the attitude that I did I instead found myself with a new set of dreams, dreams that were actually better, because they included my family instead of separating me from them. All it took was a little open mindedness combined with a little bit of closed mindedness 
Figure that one out, lol!
Cheers, Marc
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Liara Covert Says:
5 September 2008 at 6:41 am.
Your topic here reminds me of a serious period of personal contemplation. I made myself available to help care for my aged grandparents before they passed over. More recently, another close family member has been diagnosed with serious illness. While I am aware the healing is a personal journey for the person concerned, I silently prepare to transform my life in order to be closer in proximity to that person. It is a natural evolution of thought and priorities. I realize only the ego contemplates. The soul knows what is right and shapes the mind.
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Greg Says:
5 September 2008 at 1:06 pm.
Robin, your posts are such treasures, each and every one of them. Must’ve been those two lightning strikes, but now you are the conduit for the wisdom of the Universe, despensing it just when we need to read it the most…heh heh. Some responsibility there, eh?
Thanks for your loving and supportive comments over at the MG recently. You adding your voice and your wisdom to the discussion has been more valuable to me than I can express. Hugs, my friend.
THESE are some amazing sunset photos. Thank you for sharing them here. What colors!!
(And Lilly’s right, that’s an excellent photo of you!!)
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miriam Says:
5 September 2008 at 1:06 pm.
Glad you reminded me—when you do something, do it with your heart—don’t give to someone if you end up feeling like a victim. If your heart is light and sings then you are doing it for the right reasons.
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lavinka Says:
5 September 2008 at 1:41 pm.
Hi Robin. I am working, working, and working. The September and the October I always have a lot of work, even in weekends. Fortunately my small garden is close to the house, only half an hour on a bike. Tomorrow I am going to do his photographs.
And the dreams… I don’t already have dreams. I had them at one time a lot, but almost none came true. I stopped dreaming. Today I go firmly round land. With times only look to the setting sun and I am thinking, what would be if I had the family, children, wonderful partner, who he would love me and he supported in difficult times. But it is impossible. He doesn’t make sense to cry. Need lives farther.
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Dereck Coatney Says:
5 September 2008 at 2:25 pm.
Now this I can relate to. Unfortunately, I handled it badly at the time and now regret, often, my lack of full devotion. I didn’t have the responsibility to take the responsibility. I was only half way in the door. At one point, the door finally closed and looking back, I wish I had just walked through that damned door.
I miss her.
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Calder Says:
5 September 2008 at 6:09 pm.
Great photos, love the toes in the mountain range.
I was very inspired reading you today, thanks for the uplift Robin.
Peace and love!
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Nick Grimshawe Says:
5 September 2008 at 8:01 pm.
Early this year I faced a similar situation. I faced many challenges in following my heart, including the possibility of running out of money and not being able to pay the bills. But I made my choice and decided to stick with it no matter what happened or how long I would have to be away from home.
As it turned out, going “home” to be with my Mother during her last days was the most rewarding decision I can ever remember making. I lived on the edge knowing I could really run into serious financial difficulties.
The reward was to be “home” for all the miracles that happened as my mother passed into another world.
Nick
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Robb Says:
6 September 2008 at 12:42 am.
Kia ora Robin,
This post hits home so strongly with me I write through a haze of tears. Firstly in terms of connections I have had or have with people I love now. Could this also not be about Nature Herself, and our own path within it, and what we give back to Her? For I have a struggle within me now that has just developed and I would appreciate your thoughts. Please visit.
Rangimarie,
Robb
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Nina Says:
6 September 2008 at 4:32 am.
Thank you for the encouragement and very kind words you left at my site.
When I started blogging, I wanted to have a reason, a purpose–so that my site would be more than a collection of experiences.
I tend to falter when it comes to follow through–and knowing that there is a reason for doing what I do, helps me keep at it.
Although I’m not scientifically trained, I do have a love of nature and a curiosity to figure it out.
The joy I find in doing so, I hope comes through.
Because I think it’s something ANYone out there can benefit from. If they know to look.
Nature is the greatest reward on this earth–and at no cost!
My camera is a Canon, Digital Rebel. For my b-day, I received my first “better” lens, a 17-85mm. All shots previous to now have been taken with the kit lens, an 18-55mm.
I enjoy your site, as well. Your thoughts are inspiring–so true!
There is much to be gained from training ourselves to think well.
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Julie Says:
6 September 2008 at 9:30 am.
So true, Robin.
Each moment of life asks us to make a choice, a choice of action, word, thought, emotion… Billions of choices are being made continually, around the world by billions of people, and every choice influences each of us, either immediately or through a ripple effect, and the art of living life with the least resistance is to understand this and flow with it. The manner in which we greet every breath of every day determines our level of peace and happiness.
You stated this in such a clean, simple way with your perfect example. Thank you!
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Ophelia Rising Says:
6 September 2008 at 7:29 pm.
Robin – how eloquent! You’ve nailed it, here. Whatever we do, however we move around in this life, on this earth, we must do our work with the most love and mindfulness in order to become the richest people we can be. I’ve found that, no matter what I’m doing, if I do it wholeheartedly and with great love, I find the connection to myself with the universe. It doesn’t matter if I’m saving a life. It doesn’t matter if I’m washing dishes. The choices we make are real, and how we carry out our choices, or life experiences, can either elevate us or bring us to our knees.
I find that whenever I begin to complain, mope, create a negative aspect within my choices, then I feel as if I’m falling; negativity is so destructive. But if I focus on how I’m carrying something out, throw myself into whatever I’m doing with my whole heart, I somehow become enlightened in that moment, and no matter what it is, I’m both cherishing and cherished. It’s a profound experience, having this profundity in a simple, single moment.
Thank you for your gifts. Your angelic soul affects me tremendously, and helps me find my own answers, every time.
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Liara Covert Says:
8 September 2008 at 12:06 am.
I did not know about the 2 lightening strikes Greg mentions in his comment to this post. Have you ever heard of Dannion Brinkley or read any of his books?
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Chrissy Says:
8 September 2008 at 1:40 am.
Hi Robin………this is a lovely post. It led me to think, that one thing that really makes me uncomfortable is when I am around people who are banging and crashing around because they feel like martyrs. On the other hand you will often see guilt expressed by some people because perhaps they are unable to become carers because they are providers and have other responsibilities too…
I just sincerely hope that I make my decisions with a good heart and sensibly abide by them. I sense that you do, but I think you have wisdom that has been passed from the trees in your rainforest
P.S Having read your comment on my blog, I have a question? When are we going to be able to buy your book?
– ChrissyX
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Tammy Warren Says:
8 September 2008 at 9:32 am.
Choices are usually great in my life. I look at each one as a blessing that I have been given. I was a caretaker of my grandmother in her elderly days. She was in a nursing home but I was one of the few left to visit and nurture her. My mom had moved on with her life in another state and I was left behind with my own family. It was wonderful. I had just had my first child and our daily visits are still spoken about in my home. It taught me to slow down. It taught my son that life was about giving. I did not let my dreams stop. I actually gained strength from the visits. I felt so unselfish and fulfilled. Sure there were days of great pain. Sure there were days of not wanting to be there. I always felt complete when I left her room.
Each person has there own life to live. Some cannot bear the thought of giving up their life for the exchange of caring for another. That is OK. We should not judge those that differ from the same emotions that each of us carry. Life is about choices. Life is our own. We, and only we, can make our own path. That is what makes life so great.
I wanted to let you know that I was so excited to see you post another thought. In the crazy world of being a mother I find a great deal of insight from not only your post, but your comments as well.
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soulMerlin Says:
8 September 2008 at 11:24 am.
Hi Robin ~ I’ve read this post a good many times – and also the comments that have grown from it. Together your sensitive thoughtful post and the comments are so life-affirming. This is what I feel humanity is about. Someone recently wrote (maybe it was you, or Janet, or Chrissy or Tamera or…) “Life may not be the party we expected, but while we’re here, let’s enjoy it.”
Also, when people ‘give’ – and so many of the comments are about giving up time to care for someone – then people truly receive.
All the comments are so great…Nick Grimshawe for example, received this wonderful gift of the ‘miracle’ – which once experienced, changes people forever:
“The reward was to be “home†for all the miracles that happened as my mother passed into another world.” ~ Nick
This is a diamond of a post.
love
henry
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Robin Easton Says:
8 September 2008 at 11:59 am.
My dear dear friends,
I cannot tell you how much your comments have touched me. Your comments here are like reading a list from the “Who’s Who of the Wise World.” Every single comment here made my heart sing. In reading your beautiful thoughts, I KNEW without any doubt that the world is full of good people. People with heart, soul and emotion, people who care and “see” and love. I feel like you all came into my living room one evening and we sat around, drank warm tea by the fire and shared our deepest souls.
I am profoundly moved that you have taken time from your busy days to share in this way with me. My work days have been far too long and I’ve been unable to respond to each comment this week. Not because I don’t care. I care deeply and write this with tears in my eyes. I do not take for granted such humble, honest and precious sentiments that you have shared here. I believe that beyond the world of things our hearts and souls touch, and together we strengthen the fabric of humanity. Your comments filled my week with love, joy, hope and faith.
I thank you with all my heart.
Love,
Robin
PS: What an AMAZING crew I have!!! Wow! With all the negative news and events happening in the world, blogging has made me realize just how MANY astounding people there are in the world.
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JJLoch Says:
9 September 2008 at 5:58 am.
Jeff and I are at a time where we have four elderly parents. One of them has severe dementia. Your post has touched my heart. Along with this kind of responsibility comes a lot of worry. Thanks for being so open about this subject.
Hugs, JJ
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Tara S. Dickherber, M.Ed, CPC Says:
11 September 2008 at 10:21 am.
I’m a little behind on commenting on this post. It was so dead on! We all need to take responsibility for our choices and actions. I’m keeping this post filed in my wee brain for later use! Happy hiking!
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brainteaser Says:
14 September 2008 at 1:02 am.
Lovely, Robin! You nailed it. It’s one of the ails of our society… of our souls. Sometimes, we do feel that way. Like the things we have to do are humps that hinder us, that if they’re not there, we would already be somewhere up there! Then we feel so sorry. And sad. And angry.
I love the whole post, especially this:
If I choose to care for another person and I do it grudgingly because I feel I’m not getting to do what I want, or if I take on any responsibility with a victim’s mindset then I’ll miss the treasures the experience has to offer. I’ll be too wrapped up feeling sorry for myself to see the world of possibilities that surrounds me. I also won’t make a good care taker. I must take full responsibility for my responsibilities.
Thank you for being an inspiration.
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Thismakesmyday Says:
27 September 2008 at 2:11 pm.
Hi Robin,
I love reading your posts, your blog contains so much useful and good information. Thanks for everything and please keep on posting like you do now!
Have a great weekend!
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Pentad Says:
29 September 2008 at 4:59 pm.
I hope you don’t mind me stopping by. You are amazing!! Boy, did this point hit right now. I usually manage what you wrote about pretty well…..but, for the time being, I got off track. Thank you for the reminder. I better get to working on these principles once more.
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