28 March 2008
ME: When the World is Not Looking
Posted by Robin Easton under: Hobnobbin' with Robin .
The sun has not yet risen as I throw a coat over my baggy pajamas and sneak quietly into my backyard. My neighbors’ blinds are tightly drawn. I cannot yet smell their toast and coffee or their eggs and green chili. I stand like a statue, facing east….patiently waiting for the sun. The fluted songs of purple finches and Robins bravely compete with the early traffic on the main road. I love the feel of frosty cool Earth on my bare feet. The horizon is now a thin strip of expanding light. I watch and wait until a fiery globe peeks above deep-blue mountains. My face is warmed by a fire that is four and half billion years old. Every morning I watch the sunrise. It is my time of peace.
I walk inside to face my day, but my feet itch to get away from the house, away from the computer, the telephone, and even the work I love. It is still early and there is time. Quickly, before I change my mind, I stuff my nap sac with apples, nuts, jackknife, extra fleece and water, grab my moccasins and camera and head out. I go away from the city, into rolling hills dotted with round juniper trees, spiky yuccas and cholla cactus. I park the car and wander across an open field, each step taking me farther away from too many buildings and lights, too many people and cars, too much exhaust, tar and concrete. I leave the world of too many, too much and too often behind.
The farther I go the easier I breathe, the lighter I feel. I walk miles. Someday I will keep walking and not look back. My knotted spirit slowly untangles and Robin is set free. Thoughts and feelings flow like water. “I don’t know if I can do the ‘normal thing’. This being normal, only human, might be killing me. The animal in me cries out for wild and unknown places, somewhere near the edge of great mesas, somewhere close to God and all things free. I lived too long in the wild to only be human. I am a female human-animal, not just a human. I can’t live separate from all other species. They are the soul of me.
I have been told that as a writer I must not rant or people will not be able to take in what I write, they will shut down. I will be too raw and angry, too wild and passionate…too loving. But I am these things. And I have more faith in the intelligence of my fellow humans, more faith in their desire for something genuine. I have been told as a writer that I must not rant. And I asked, “Do you mean to tell me that we can have too much car exhaust, too many lights and no stars, too many tarred roads, and too much concrete covered earth, too many houses and no land left…and that is acceptable, but I cannot rant? Is this not my reason for ranting?”
Right now there are things that tie me to the city, but not forever. And although I have days where I hike through fields, up mountains or into slotted canyons, it is not enough. I want it every day, all day long. Eventually I will move out of the city to somewhere wild. But even then I cannot hide from or ignore what is happening in the world. Or can I? Do I just decide to live out MY life in the wild and screw the rest? The Earth will be intact long enough for my remaining years. But what about the beautiful children coming, the young people born with hungry souls still connected to things wild and free? Do I abandon them? No matter my love of the wild I have to help them somehow. Maybe I can have my wild retreat and still help. And what about the Earth itself even when I am gone? Can it protect itself from us humans? I ponder all of these things as I cross a field of cholla; some stand as tall as me. They are a family of cactus out for a stroll. I am not alone in the wild.
As my spirit empties I am drawn back into my surroundings. The day is too beautiful to care about the city, to solve all the problems of the world in a day. I cut across the field and up a hill and wander into a dry wash full of tumble weed and water worn rock. My pack weighs twenty-five pounds and rests lightly on my shoulders and back. I breathe easily. Maybe I will spot a rattlesnake and photograph his curving body, although it’s still a bit cool for them to be about. But I keep an eye open. Another mile and my arms and legs relax. I smile openly, so happy to be alive. I am a solitary woman wandering across the Earth, between cholla and juniper, having a secret love affair with the land. Tears roll down my face; I am so in love.
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This Site: © Robin Easton
Website: http://www.nakedineden.com
Blog: http://nakedineden.com/nakedinedenblog/
16 Comments so far...
sctshep Says:
28 March 2008 at 12:02 pm.
God!!! You know how to enjoy your life. It is unbelievable. It comes right through the pages. I can feel the frosty air and smell the smells of life. You keep being you. Forget what people say you should be as a writer. If people can’t handle that . . . too bad for them. I truly believe you take in more in a morning than many people do in years. Your spirit through your words radiates life and passion and curiosity and pure enjoyment. You just keep radiating.
ROBIN RESPONDS: It is such a life affirming experience when we go out on a limb and be ourselves, honest and raw, and get feedback like this. It literally changes lives. It becomes a marker that we navigate by and don’t forget, one that can be used when others discourage open honest expression of self. I honor you for not only having the ability to freely give this kind of feedback (I have learned that it is not easy for everyone) but also for taking the time out of your busy day to write it. Bless you.
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thefearlessblog Says:
28 March 2008 at 9:05 pm.
Truly we are kindred spirits. The Law of Attraction is most definitely at work. I am so happy to be drawn to those things and those people who remind me everyday that the voice inside me speaks words that others know too well. I am not alone in my madness and in my love for those things others cannot see or feel, what my heart so easily comprehends but words cannot always express. You’ve captured the essence…the feeling and the moment. A truly inspirational piece. Thank you my friend.
ROBIN RESPONDS: Thank YOU. With all the talk that can fly in regard to internet horrors and so on, I have been truly impressed with the people such as yourself and others I have communicated with via the internet. There are some REMARKABLE people in the world. It has confirmed my belief in the human spirit.
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Makinart Says:
28 March 2008 at 9:23 pm.
After a day in very busy retail, reading this late at night rejuvenates my senses. Haven’t had recent time lately to be out much but have renewed eating meals outdoors on warmer days. This morning I saw and owl or hawk, pretty sure it was an owl cross over my neighbor’s yard. Here in my magical little trailer park. Write. Publish and perhaps you can create a retreat place not far from town, though they are disappearing fast. Got friends with cabins? You are a voice of an alternate reality, and perhaps when young ones hear your song they will seek their true soul as well wherever it lives. Have you been down to la Cienaga by a farmer’s little pond (not far from the highway) to see if the blue herring crane is back yet? It’s a fantastic surprise and treat! Keep walking for us all! Mary
ROBIN RESPONDS: Thank you Mary…I can tell that you too are very connected to the wild ones. And I love that you seek out beauty everywhere, even in the city. I will have to go see the blue herring crane. I also LOVED your line, “Keep walking for us all.” That touched my heart. I would love to do a long walk maybe from New Mexico to Alaska. It is a dream of mine.
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lizh Says:
29 March 2008 at 8:33 am.
I love this post! I can relate to everything you say..for the power of the great outdoors truly frees the spirit, invigorates the body and exhilarates the mind! Your words make me long for Spring even more where I fill my weekends with hiking. Thanks for sharing..I felt like I walked along with you!
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emsraido Says:
29 March 2008 at 7:34 pm.
Absolutely beautiful! As someone else said, I am right there with you. Thanks for putting such a soulful experience into moving words.
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FearlessDreams Says:
30 March 2008 at 9:44 pm.
Robin,
Rant and rave and be wild!
When I read I look for at least one of the following:
*passion
*ideas that make me think
Let’s hear it for passion that shakes us up, wakes us up, and hopefully makes us feel a little strange.
Dylan Thomas wrote:
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light…
He speaks of our awakening at the end of days, and feeling that so much is left undone.
I say let us be awake and wild every day.
Let us see infinite possibility all around us, here and now.
And let it whisper to us from beyond the next hill, and the next sunrise.
Let us not give in to the dying that we suffer daily when we fall into tired, empty habits.
Let us not listen to the voices that ask us to always speak in a measured, mediocre way.
Joel
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Robin Easton Says:
31 March 2008 at 8:48 am.
Joel: I teared up over your words and freedom of expression. Your last two lines made my heart soar and sing and weep with JOY. I felt like laughing out loud and shouting YES! YES! YES! Thank you for knowing the most important and vital truths: freedom, LIVING, and walking to the edge. Bless you for your full-on encouragement and your wisdom.
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soulMerlin Says:
1 April 2008 at 6:29 pm.
Dear Robin – I was so touched by your comment on “Hurtful Spirit” that I pasted it in the comments section myself.
Your writing is just beautiful. “My face is warmed by a fire that is four and half billion years old. Every morning I watch the sunrise. It is my time of peace.”
Your writing touches prose/poetry.
If you have the time, please look at a little air-adventure I had last year, when I flew over Maine…
http://www.soulmerlin.com/almanack/?p=57 (do you know Kate Braestrup?)
I look forward to a copy of your book when it is published.
I spent so much time in the Yorkshire Dales, climbing and potholing and just “being” when I was in my 20’s…I hope that when I retire I can return. Sometimes when I don’t want to go into theaters and darkness, I think of the following quote: “Being Professional is about doing the things you love, on the days you don’t feel like doing them.” – David Halberstam, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and journalist who died in a car crash in April.
You are a Special Lady,
Henry
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Robin Easton Says:
2 April 2008 at 8:58 am.
If you enjoy heartfelt, beautiful and honest writing check out “soulMerlin’s Almanack” blog: http://soulmerlin.com/almanack/ I like his piece titled: “The Hurtful Spirit and the Answered Prayer” or his other blog http://soulmerlin.wordpress.com/ On this second blog I especially like his piece titled “The Moon ~ Of Corn Fields and Shooting Stars”. Beautiful writing that feeds the romantic, the soul…and makes you feel more human.
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horatiosalt Says:
4 April 2008 at 11:35 am.
One day in late autumn, when I was living on a farm, I left my two dogs inside while I went walking with my camera and tripod. I wanted to be able to hear my own thoughts, hear the dew crystallizing on the leaves, hear the clouds rustle overhead. I was about 800 yards from the house when I heard the door open, a distant click across the fields, and I knew the dogs were out and that they would try to find me. I crouched behind a split rail fence, to make them work at it a bit. They had no idea which direction I had gone when I left the house, so I settled into the long grass for a wait, the warm sun on my shoulders. But the older dog appeared over the hill in the lane less than two minutes later, her nose on the ground, running hard. The younger dog bounded along behind, goofy. A few seconds later, the older dog stopped on the other side of the fence, six feet from me, but still I did not move or make a sound. Then she slowly turned her head and looked right at me through the rails of the fence, and I swear to God she smiled. What could I do? I smiled back.
Thanks for your post, Robin. You took me outside and through time and far away.
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Robin Easton Says:
4 April 2008 at 11:44 am.
horatiosalt, Thank you for this wonderful warm story. It was like I was there. I love the playfulness in both you and your dog friends. Magic! So…you have both wit and wisdom…good for you.
If any of you are interested in some good belly laughs and wit go to Horatio Salt’s site at: http://www.wundurfulwurld.com/ He writes: “Wundurful Wurld, America’s Most Twisted News Source, is a funny news satire blog. Our stories are based on real news, but they’re full of humorous twists.”
And he is SO right!!! If you love humor you won’t be let down.
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Lilly Says:
5 April 2008 at 12:48 am.
Robin, I am sure you can have your wild retreat and still help. It sounds to me that you are anything but solitary and more so one with the land. Wouldn’t it be great to organize a walk from New Mexico to Alaska, and we could all come too!! You have great purpose and that will give you everything you need.
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Robin Easton Says:
5 April 2008 at 2:30 pm.
Lilly, I am touched by this little vibrant burst of encouragement. Thank you! I like the idea of the walk and it could even be used to raise money for some worthy cause like children or saving wildlife or rainforest, etc. People donate so much for a certain number of miles that I (we) walk. My sister has often wanted to do this too. We could have a group of women and call it “Wonderful Women Walking”. You could come! I love it. You remain an inspiration. : )
I recommend Lilly’s blog. She is one of my Aussie friends. You women will love her last post on the 1913 author Blanche Ebbutt who wrote a book titled, “Don’ts for Husbands” advising men how to treat women. It is a delight. You guys would like it too. Lilly is at: http://fearlessandfabulous.blogspot.com/ To read about Blanch Ebbutt click MEN under categories. Her most recent post is also a hoot!
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Mel Says:
19 April 2008 at 6:53 pm.
Dearest Robin,
Come to visit sometime, nature and beauty around here will say what I can’t explain with words.
Hugs from Peru,
Mel
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Liara Covert Says:
6 October 2008 at 7:21 pm.
Whatever you are living, no matter how exhilarating or not, is only a temporary experience in the moment. When we are asked to ‘tell it like it is,’ we learn that we have the power to change our story at any moment. To take the initiative to go from talking about changing our lives to actually doing it, enables you to feel good more consistently. You feel energized, renewed, enthusiastic, and your positive energy is sent out into the world. It is catching.
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Liara Covert Says:
25 November 2008 at 6:08 am.
When the world is not watching, we each rediscover ourselves. It becomes irrelevant who is watching, listening or from where. As we move toward greater transparency, we become more true to ourselves. Nothing else matters in the same way.
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